My problem

I have a particular problem that I now realise to be manifest throughout my life. As soon as I determine accurately what is required for a task, to the extent that I am aware whether or not I could complete it (with or without further practice), then it ceases to be a worthwhile endeavour.

Case study 1: guitar.

Tabs that are within my skill range I don't bother playing, because I know I can do them. Tabs that are out of my skill range at present, but that I think I could learn, I fail to put the effort into practising, because in principle…. I therefore muddle through them: I could neaten it up if I cared; I'll practice my Fs later. Tabs that are well out of my skill range I despair of learning, because I never practice the simpler things enough to achieve the higher levels.

Case study 2: research.

This is a slight adaptation of the pattern, but it fits nonetheless. As soon as I determine an approach, or a problem, or a direction, it ceases to be novel for me, and therefore does not classify as valid PhD research. Having seen a solution, I also don't feel a drive to actually get there: from here on it's just implementation. Essentially, as soon as I get hold of a problem, by definition it is no longer worth solving. This is a significant stumbling block.

Is it just laziness, or a psychological disorder? I feel that it is an aspect of my greater problem, which is an inability to finish things. Perhaps, actually, they are the same thing: after all, an inability to complete projects is really just seeing that they could be solved and not bothering to follow through (or, at least, that's what it is for me).

This is odd, as I suppose I'd enjoy finishing a task. In a way, of course, seeing how it could be finished is next to actually doing it…

I get on my nerves a lot of the time.

Posted at 2004-03-14 12:52:38 by Richard • Link to My problem
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